I don't want to be a loser all the time.

Suddenly this strange tinge of sadness overwhelmed me again. I thought i already throw and forget away my pass but it seems history can never be distored. The fact that i fuck up my A level will never and ever be erased. Perhaps i really need a yellow ribbon to remind the world that people do and can change. And i won't be a loser forever.

Actually stress do not come from the schwork, your boyfriend or girlfriend, peers, teachers. The stress actually come from the parents. Has one ever think back that when you do well, your parents, your uncle and aunties are like the paparazzi, trying to capture that every moment of you doing well. Whipping out their digi cams and capture that priceless moment that no visa can buy with it when you are standing at the stage, receiving some prizes from your principals or better, some minister. Those who can't attend will call you such that on that day, you receive more calls than you usually do.

The most fascinating thing is that, they will do to your bidding! No matter its that new nokia engage or that new palm top that your friend dicky has his dad brought for him, those gifts will be neatly wrapped and placed on your bed and when you woke up, you thought santa grandpa has just visited you in advanced. And maybe really he did visit you, because you do well.

Doing well and getting good result is perhaps the best spell that is casted. Bomoh's potion do not work as much powerful as it does. The result, heap of praises, prizes both from school and your relatives. You will be able to raise your chin high, when you walk, the wind will trail behind you. Everybody will sort of bow at your presence. Such is the powerful result of getting good result.

But what if you do not get good result? It means the clock has strike 12. The cinderella moment that you have been enjoying is over. The first indication is that how teacher frown at you upon giving you your result. The spell casted on your parents and relatives do not work anymore. The call do not pour in. Those encouraging and praises like :" woah ah boi/girl, so clever ah" become " aiyo, how come you so stupid, i not even score so low before".

Praise charles darwin for his theory of evolution. It really has been proven time and time again when one has fall from grace. You are not the centre of attraction and topic during family functions. This is the cruelty of the world.

That is why i told myself time and time again. I can't afford to do poorly again. I want the wind to catch up with me and trail behind my back again. I want to hold my chin high. I want the spell to work again. I want to be the centre of attraction. I do not want to drop into the darkness of the abyss.

Laugh at all you want. Mock me please. Because you won't have the chance again.

Because i don't want to be a loser all the time

And

I won't be the loser ever.

"Anything that the human mind can conceive and believe in, he will achieve"

----Think and grow rich, Napoleon Hill