What is your saddest moment?

Today i was at the hospital, helping my dad to do the discharged procedure for his discharge. As i walked passed the rows of bed, i heard this buddhist hymn. Yes, that song u heard when u visit a buddhist columbarium or at a wake. That hymn where it just repeat itself. So i turned and looked, i saw this frail old man, lying there, with an oxtgen mask strapped over his face. That look on his face, i know his lungs is failing him. His time on Earth is getting shorter and shorter. That same face, remind me of my grandfather.

When i was young, i often thought the saddest moment of my life is when i get caned for something i do wrongly. It was painful and most importantly, scars were left on my thigh and hands and i would worried that how could i face those sneering laugher when i get to school.

When i reached secondary school and when the mind began to be even more concious of the environment, the saddest part of my life is when i couldn't get into triple science class or double science. Its kind of stupid, now that i think back as to why teachers discourage students of going into the arts classes when they set up the class? But it spur me to work even harder, although i couldn't qualified for a science class.

When i failed my A level, thats it, the end of the world. My future was left hanging, suspended in the air. That is the first time i actually shed tears over results and the first time my mum never scold me for my results.

Just as i thought that getting trashy results was my saddest part, my grandpa passed away on 2001, near christmas time. The first time i witnessed a life, slowing ebbing away on the hospital bed, and when he acknowledge me as i greet him, he was in a semi-coma stage. At 7.30pm, he went. I remembered i cry buckets of tears during his wake and especially so when the coffin was being pushed into the furnace.

The saddest part of my life, is not about trashy results, is not about failing to go into a relationship with a girl i like for a very very long time, is not about arguing with your lecturers or getting frustrated with somebody else. The saddest part for me, is that your love ones departed, never to be returned, alive in your memories only.

For me, it has such an impact, the witnessing of my grandad demise, prove to be such a source of energy for me. For once, i truly understand the saying:" life is short".
Life is so short that you can't have time for small matters.
Life is short that you want the person you liked to be happy and not be bothered by you and thats why you stop wooing her.
Life is so short that you mustn't let your loved one down, especially your parents, that you must stop living a frivolous life but start to plan for your well-being and theirs.

And at the end of the day, you won't know whether you can say to yourself" i am alive!" tomorrow.

The saddest part of it all, is not to treasure and make full use of life.